Alright. Stay with me. We are discussing some very difficult theories. And it is not necessarily simple to convince our population of their factual base. Now, we have all heard the name Charles Darwin, whether it be your science teacher discussing the revolution spurred by Darwin, or your sunday school teacher denouncing the mere thought of evolving from fish-lizards. If you’re more of a creation-myther than a brilliance-recognizer than you should stop here. You will not enjoy this. You will end up with a dumb look on your face. Stop. Go back to start. Collect two-hundred dollars.
Ok. Back on track. Darwin proposed a theory of evolution. He suggested that god did not have a direct impact on the existence of humans. He inferred that the dogs that don’t go to heaven, in fact have as much of a chance of getting there as Pope John Paul III.
Darwin’s Theory, stated that mutations in genes that are beneficial to survival will maintain throughout the species and will eventually become a new life-form entirely. This explains the gradual development of multi-cellular organisms from single-celled organisms without nuclei. He said many other things, like death is a part of life, and we should all go around and fuck everyone, but we’ll save those for another day when I happen to ponder the implications of Darwin’s statements, again.
And now we’re to the real point of this post. I believe that in the beginning of homo-sapien (they’re humans for the layman), that all men were capable of performing fellatio (wordpress.com does not include the word “fellatio” in their dictionary of words, which is strange because I thought “fellatio” was the “pc” way to discuss giving head) on them selves. This is where Darwin comes in. Self-satisfaction lead to a lot of “me” time (honestly, the guys just sat at home and sucked their own dicks and never had to leave, so they died).
Women had to go around and find males that did not have the ability to suck their own dicks. And now, no one is capable of blowing them selves, save for Marilyn Manson, and other awesome dudes like that. This also developed into the reason that men now have to listen to women speak. Prior to the death of the cocksuckers there were only grunts. Language had to develop so men could explain that all they really wanted was for these women to put their mouths on their organ of copulation, and swallow. It manifested into a negative when women developed the word “no”. Like,
No, I will not swallow.
No, If you don’t tell me when, I’ll never do this again.
Oh, yes, that’s exactly what I want to be known as, a cock-sucker.
Survival of the fittest took my god-given right to suck my own dick, so shut up and take over that specialty of survival.
Alright. So, the many who could blow them selves, were at home, alone, and the ones who could not perpetuated the species. It’s a clear, linear development to our current situation, and the frustrations of everyday. There was an Eden, and it was called blowing yourself.